To the Mom Whose Child Has Just Been Diagnosed

By Laura Spiegel

Today, you found out that your child has a condition that requires complex care. You may be wondering if life will forever be separated into before and after. Maybe it will be. Maybe it won’t. Either way, I’m guessing that despite your brave face or your silence or your carefully-stifled tears, you are overwhelmed.

I know I was.

I remember when my daughter was diagnosed. I remember our first doctor’s appointment like it was yesterday. I cried in the parking garage and cursed my too-tight nursing bra in the waiting room. I sat in a daze of while I worked up the courage to ask my first question.

And then it happened. That moment that is forever etched in my mind.

The doctor took my hands, looked me squarely in the eye, and said, “Your daughter is going to live a long and full life.” She went on to say that it was her job as a physician and our role as parents to help enable this. 

Over the years, these words have pushed me to look for the blessings alongside the battles. And oh, have we had blessings! Blessings so big and beautiful, they make my heart burst.

You may not feel these blessings overnight. Now is a time for simply embracing the emotions that are washing over you. Shock. Fear. Uncertainty. These feelings will live in you for quite some time.

That’s okay. These emotions will sit alongside hope, gratitude, joy, and awe. They will fuel your commitment to doing everything you can — to literally moving mountains — for your child.

Day by day, you will learn to manage your child’s care. Over time, you will begin to balance daily care alongside the other parts of being a parent — of your child just being a kid. And throughout this journey, you will learn to treat yourself (yes, yourself) with kindness.

Little by little, with every temple kissed and tear shed and smiling ache of your heart, you will do it.

It may not feel this way today, but you are not alone. And you’ve got this.